


The uncut adventures of Tired SeaDad ft. Others

by Demon_Cookie101



Series: A side of Amporafam, hold the sauce [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Other characters will be mentioned - Freeform, probably in chapter notes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:35:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21789154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demon_Cookie101/pseuds/Demon_Cookie101
Summary: Have I read literally anything that qualifies as canon homestuck since the 'thanks for playing' screen? Nope! Will I? Absolutely not, feedback says it's Bad Times on the options menu and I am not here for that, thanks.Have some headcanons and short snippets that never seemed to turn into proper fics. Mostly from Dualscar's perspective.
Series: A side of Amporafam, hold the sauce [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1005753
Comments: 17
Kudos: 79





	1. Stellar observation.

**Author's Note:**

> These chapters are all going to be varied lengths, but I will try and aim for them not being super short.

He still doesn’t look at the stars.

Night fishing is best done, surprisingly, at night. Who fuckin' knew. Eridan checks the sinkers with a kind of precision you don't think is necessary, but he likes to hide in menial tasks so you don't question it.

At least not verbally.

Checking your actions is not becoming familiar, but it is almost becoming easier. Eridan reacts to weird things. Claws on wet wood. The high wind singing in the rigging. Anything that reminds him of angels.

You don't bother keeping track when you can barely even track your own. You just make sure he knows he can retreat when he needs, that you're there if he wants to talk or if he needs a distraction.

You don't know if he's still afraid of you, but he's still wary.

He glances at you to see whether you're scrutinising his ability to tie a sinker to a hook, like that's something you would actually hound anyone over.

You wonder whether you should tell him that your old shitbag of a ropemaster banned you from messing with his rods because you once left a pile of tangled fishing line that he spent three nights picking apart.

It was funny, and not entirely your fault so the story only brings you fond memories.

You hold your hand out to trade rods with him, thumbing over the neat knots with an approving grunt.

"You would'a made an old friend of mine very happy. He always thought there was no hope in an Ampora knowin' how to decently knot a line." You tell him, prepping the bait on the hook.

"Yours are no different from mine though." His default tone is neutral, warring for second place is doubt and irritation. You don't bother to pick apart why it's like that and where his thoughts are taking him. You're not that kind of troll, and he's stubborn enough to not listen even if you were. You just snort in amusement, flinging the line out. "I know. He always wanted to have somethin' no one else on the crew had. He proved himself over and over for many a reason, but you know how it can be."

Eridan's quiet as he knots the second rod and reaches for the bait. "Yeah." He says at last, keeping his eyes on the waves as he casts the line.

You're content to leave the talking at that, settle into your own memories and bury the grief under creating a puzzle in the stars where one isn't needed.

Eridan shifts, pulling himself to sit up on the support struts of the canopy and lets his legs dangle down. His bare feet hang in your peripheral. "Do you miss them?"

You would have preferred it if he was blunter. The hesitance, the almost gentle way his words come out. You have no patience for pity.

You study the stars as you let the question mull over. You can leave it, not answer him. You've learned that Eridan will hold his tongue, no matter how curious he is. He said once that he doesn't want to be annoying, but curiosity should never be a point of annoyance.

Young trolls are such a hassle. You barely even remember yourself at his age, you have nothing to go off.

So you answer him instead, trace patterns in stars that he refuses to look at. "Yes. I was not a good troll, my pride and ego grew with my position. But at sea with them, it was a chance to be real. My crew was handpicked by me, the loyal ones stayed, and more were found in ports and other ships' galleys. We were a strong crew." You don't know about that family nonsense Stumpy Vantas goes on about, but your crew could have been that.

You twitch the line, reel it in a little more. You glance at Eridan. He's watching the water where his line enters, relaxed as much as he'll allow himself to be.

"They would have liked you." His gaze flickers up to you, surprise in his expression before he attempts to hide it. "They would have. You'd get into so much bullshit, be an absolute menace all around."

"I'm a menace without help."

"It's more fun with others though, isn't it?" His expression flickers and he looks at the water. You wonder where his memories go. Surely he was a little shit at some point, wild and free without your title on his shoulders. He's a violet, it practically comes pre-packaged and handed to you with a bow.

"Yeah. It kinda is." Eridan reels the line in, setting the rod back in the holder. "Want me to go scare up dinner? You know, considerin' all the bountiful luck we're havin' right now."

You shrug and twitch the line. “Go nuts. Just don’t get distracted by bioluminescent fish again.”

His fins colour in as he slips into the water, and you catch his grumble on the way down. “That was _one_ time.”

You grin now that he can’t see it. He’s alright.

He’s getting there.


	2. It's not a grudge until you sulk about it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An exploration in bias and grudges, by me, someone who is capable of writing one bloodline and unfortunately butchering the rest (sorry m8)  
> Featuring Maryams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like this could be a really interesting concept, exploring the bias of an outside character with two presented versions of one event but with a heavy preference towards one of the individuals. Bc objectively, Dualscar gets that Eridan did the thing that was super bad, but also he gets stuck with dealing with Eridan trying to deal with growing from the super bad thing, which creates the bias. Unfortunately it never really developed more than this so this is what you get.  
> Set somewhere around Coral Crowns I guess?

If there’s one trait that you’re glad Eridan inherited, it’s his ability to inhale anything written. He’d worked through the tomes and books on the boat within a few weeks if that, and he comes back with new stuff every time you put in at port. From the library, most of the time, but occasionally a title sticks around longer than the borrowing time allows.

Sometimes you’ll pick up something you think he’ll like when you’re running errands.

The portside town has streets full of little shops and odd little tucked away cafes, and the ever-present hustle and bustle of it settles something in your soul.

The idea was brought up once to go and explore past the reef some more. You’re both still too attached to this little place to leave just yet. Plus you see some familiar faces now and then, and Eridan does as well.

You don’t make it a point to seek out those who you knew. If they want to talk to you, they know where to find you. As far as you can tell, there’s not much ill will left.

You wish you could say the same for Eridan and the ones he interacts with, but it's not. Age has something in your favour: the fact that you’re old enough to get over yourselves.

Most of the time, anyway. You still refuse to deal with Local Asshole Makara, and you won’t go with Psii and Dis to the pub because those shits will rack up your bar tab, and Spin still thinks she can wheedle something out of you, but y’know. You’re an adult, you’re dealing with it in adult ways by just ignoring some and laughing at the rest.

Totally the correct way to do this.

The human who runs the little second-hand bookstore you and Eridan like to frequent keeps a list of titles to recommend. He got Eridan into this fantasy book series, but didn’t have all the books in this supposed ten-book series. You’re here to pick up something of your own interest, but he’s asking you to wait anyway because he has Eridan’s books.

Which is fine, you don’t mind waiting. Normally everyone’s too wary of you to talk to you so you don’t even have to bother thinking about small talk.

You make a note to print that out and shove it through the Maryam’s door, because they certainly don’t get it.

You aren’t… fond of Rosa’s sprog. You are very familiar with grudges, and if you were on her side of the cards you would whole-heartedly agree with the snide and suspicious attitude.

You aren’t on her side of the cards. You’re on Eridan’s.

Small and Well-dressed is staring at you. You can see Rosa from here. If she doesn’t stop smirking you’re going to line her sewing kit with six week old sun-dried herring.

“I’d advise you to take a photo for further admiration but I don’t quite believe that violets are well within your observational type.”

Kanaya’s standing close enough that you don’t have to talk too loud, which is nice. She stiffens and frowns. Didn’t anyone teach these kids subtlety.

“I was merely-”

“Insults to my general person are only available for audio reception between the hours of four and five. Insults and threatenin’ comments you wish to pass on to another are between the hours of never and burn your bridges before I do it for you.”

“Now now.” Rosa’s voice comes in on your left side and she gives your shoulder a pat. “Surely you can find time in your busy schedule of polishing your ego and admiring your reflection.”

“My dear, I surely could if I didn’t have such pressin’ alternative opportunities. How’s the sewin’ goin’?”

“Brilliantly, of course. Some fool got it in their head to test the durability of cloth against local bramble plants. I do know its hard for you, but tone down the attitude.”

“Oh go staple your eyelids shut.” You hand her a book she’d been eyeing, smirking a little at the snort she gives.

Her little descendant appears to gather herself, and you’re already rolling your eyes. If she’s gonna try and _intimidate_ you of all trolls you might just laugh so hard you expire.

“I’ve heard enough about your issues with my descendant and I’m really not in the mood to have to deal with it again. He killed you, you killed him, a whole bunch of petty bullshit happened on both sides, and now you seem to want to hold onto a grudge.” You turn over another book to read the blurb with no intention of buying it. It has a funny cover, but that blurb does absolutely no favours.

“I do not hold a grudge over Eridan killing me. We settled that difference a long time ago.”

“When you killed him in return, makes it even and all that.”

She looks like she could seethe, and you wonder where any of these kids are finding their good coping methods. You thought Rosa would play a hand in here, but she seems to just be watching.

God kids are confusing, why do they keep popping up in your life. Are any of these little shits capable of comprehensive perfectly normal adult emotions, ones you can _understand_ , or nah.

“He caused a lot of problems for everyone-”

“So did Makara’s get, and Spin’s.”

“He was cruel and unnecessarily a pain in the ass. He destroyed the matriorb when he _knew_ how much work went into it and what it meant for our survival.” She acts like it’s her winning hand.

“So your issue is not that he killed you but that he destroyed a ball of funky troll genetics.”

“It was more than that.”

“I don’t actually care. I’ll ask you this, why did you give him a god weapon when you knew he was volatile and afraid?”

She is, finally, speechless.

“He was six. So were you. So were all of you. Don’t you think that Eridan knows what he did was wrong? Don’t you think he’s not forcin’ himself to suffer for it?”

“He is too proud-”

“And you are petty. Gods below why are kids such hard fuckin’ work.”

Rosa snorts again, placing a hand on your arm and one on her descendant's shoulder. Warning, of course, when is she not. You turn from them both, hand the money over to the human in exchange for the books. “Eridan does not expect anythin’ from you. He has done a lot of wrong in the game and on Alternia, his reasons and circumstance do not help in paintin’ any sort of better picture of him.” You turn to face her again. “But he is tryin’ to be a better troll. And if you spread another lie of how he does not change and how he should’ve been left behind, I will take this into my hands.”

She looks guilty at being called out, and you have to remind yourself that she’s just as young as Eridan. She doesn’t know better, but for fuck’s sakes.

“What you say to others is repeated by Feferi, and you’re startin’ to make her think that it’s her fault.” She’s not. Feferi doesn’t think like that, but you can be manipulative too. “You may not care for Eridan, and would rather he be kept in a hell-bubble bein’ torn apart as punishment, but your words and actions affect others outside the little interaction you create. Feferi tells me, Eridan overhears, he cuts himself off yet again from tentative conversations and friendships. The cycle starts up again. It’s drainin’ on everyone.”

You wonder if Eridan wants to get takeaway tonight. Maybe you can pick it up on the way back. “Grudges aren’t helpful in this world, believe me. You don’t have to like him, or want anythin’ to do with him, but he deserves a chance at earnin’ his redemption as much as anyone else and you deserve a life without havin’ it hang in your throat. Your grudge on his actions will wear you down as much as him. Let it go.”

You turn to Rosa, adjusting the books in your hold. “I’m in ‘til the weekend.”

“I’ll make the arrangements.”

“It’s been a pleasure, as always.” She steps out of your way so you can slip past without having to deal with the brunt of a crowd. You don’t look back as you head off.

You don’t expect Kanaya to listen to you. Kids are stubborn, and she is still hurting as well. If you were more neutral perhaps you’d feel sorrier for her.

You aren’t though. You’ve watched your descendant check his every action and be afraid of his every word because he doesn’t know where to draw the line between what he grew up as and what lower bloods want to deal with. You’ve watched him shut himself away again and again and listened to his panicked whispers as he asks whether he really is going to be a murderer and hated forever.

You’d be the first to admit you’re biased.

In all your sweeps, you still don’t understand lowbloods as well as you’d like, you don’t get the finite behaviours and views they have on you and your ilk. You can't, and don't want to, comprehend what makes Kanaya hang onto an age old event and allow herself to be guarded and bitter towards another over it.

But if you had to pick between understanding that and being able to console your tiny shaking descendant over his self-inflicted fears, you’d pick Eridan every time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to write the reconciliation between Eridan and Kanaya (the one we DESERVE, where's my Pretty People team at okay), but the odds on me managing that without completely butchering Kanaya's character is high. Maybe after more practice.


	3. What's the number combo for smug face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chatlog featuring no Dualscar but Eridan and Sollux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't actually remember whether this was part of one of the other fics or just a section that I wrote and meant to use, but I still like it.

CA: but like theoretically usin a sloop instead of a schooner is clearly more logical for a small person creww

TA: dude

CA: but like evven for a wwarship a corvvette schooner is better than a sloop? its easily manoeuvvrable and manageable

CA: a schooner may be quicker with full sails and about 50-70% capacity but that wwould need a full crew to ensure nothin goes keel up

CA: literally

TA: iim goin to block you

CA: youre findin this as interestin as i am dont evven go there

TA: iim really not

CA: you are

TA: II dont even know why youre talkiing about 2hiip2 at

TA: three iin the morniin

TA: why are you even awake?

CA: because vvris declared a schooner more suitable for speed distance with a small creww than any other theoretical vvessel and its pissin me off

CA: also duals asleep so

CA: i cant rant at him

TA: 2o you woke me up to rant to me?

CA: wwere you evven asleep

TA: ye2

CA: ‽

TA:

TA: what the fuck ii2 that?

CA: what

TA: the 2ymbol?

CA: what this ‽

CA: its accurately portrayin my surprise and doubt at you actually bein asleep at this hour wwhen only fivve hours ago you wwere tellin me about howw you wwere goin to fix this string of code or some shit

TA: what kiind of bull2hiit 2ymbol ii2 that? Doe2 iit even have a name?

CA:

TA: you don’t even know what iit ii2 do you

CA: of course I do! psh

CA: I dont just

CA: use symbols wwithout knowwin wwhat theyre called wwhat do you take me for?

CA: dont answer that

TA: II take you for a 2leep depriived loon who2 ob2e22iin over 2omethiing miinor becau2e iit mean2 he doesn’t have to thiink about whatever2 currently freakiing hiim out

CA: thats bullshit and you knoww it

CA: i knoww wwhat the symbols called

CA: its an interrobang

TA:

TA: a what

CA: interrobang

CA: its an exclamation point and a question mark in one

CA: ‽‽‽‽‽‽‽‽

CA: see? fun times

TA: how do you make iit?

CA: by typin a bunch of digits in one go

TA: Eriidan don’t be a 2hiit

CA: wwill you let me rant about other peoples stupid thinkin for at least one more hour

TA:

CA: please?

TA:

TA: iif you giive me the thiing yeah

CA: alt + 8253

TA:

TA: ‽

TA: niice

CA: ANYWWAY

TA: yeah yeah go on


	4. Adoption papers aren't waterproof.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feferi has concerns and damn, Dualscar is tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was from when I was trying to figure out how to write Feferi, and sort of aligning her with what I've read other writers do, but ultimately wasn't happy with it and ended up just writing what felt best. It's probably not entirely true to her character but this is fanfiction, and i like this.

She’s nothing like your Empress, and for that you are grateful. Two nutjob Peixes is way too many for one lifetime. You made it a point, towards the end, to barely even have to deal with one.

She hasn’t hit her growth spurt either, this little Feferi. She’s small and stocky, and you know that even with your strength she’ll weather whatever you can throw at her.

Or at least, she looks like she can. Mentally, you don’t think she knows she’s that capable.

Eridan slipped out in the early morning, most likely to go to the reef he hides in when his head is too loud and you’re too scary. You hope that by letting him do what he wants and not trying to force yourself into the spaces he’s carved away for himself, he’ll trust you more.

It’s a slow process.

You don’t know whether you have it in you to expend that energy to another troll.

Feferi apparently hasn’t yet learned the nice art of pretending to give a shit about something and making it seem genuine. She twists her hair around and around as she asks after Eridan but her gaze flickers faster than her fins and you wouldn’t be surprised if she’s on her way to giving herself a headache.

She looks stressed.

This is way too much effort for you. Goddamn what idiot decided to dump not one, but two tiny seatrolls in your care?

(Technically, you only need to care about Eridan. You would do, you’d discard Feferi like you grew to turn your back on the Empress, but you are weak. She won’t find kindness in the others, not yet. They see her for her sign, no matter what their descendants say.)

You make her tea, coax her down out of the cockpit and onto the couches inside, where it’s warm and comforting and full of weird shit you’ve collected so far. The tense line of her shoulders eases ever so slightly, but that’s it. Her fins flatten against her head and she studies the floor as you move around the counter and set the tea in front of her.

“Was she ever kind?” Feferi’s voice is small, and you know who she’s asking about. You stir the spoon through your tea, mixing the sugar away as you mull over your answer.

“If I’m honest, I don’t really remember. She was older than I, even when we were finishing schooling. I know I knew her before I earned my position as Orphaner, but my memory is clouded.” You don’t like to remember. It just speaks of too many lost opportunities, too many friends you lost along the way to an Empress growing wild with power and a clown building his hatred as you tore through lusii without a care.

Feferi’s shoulders slump ever so slightly, even as she tries to hide it by wrapping her hands around the cup and looking down at the liquid.

“You’re worried you’ll turn into her.” You muse, observing the way she flinches. “That’s it’s destined in your blood to go insane with power after a certain age.”

She sniffs. You seriously hope she doesn’t cry, you can’t deal with any more tears this week, please make an appointment.

“I don’t want to be like her.”

“Then don’t be.” Sugar dissolved, you take the spoon out and rest it on a little plate. “Paths are made by the feet that walk them. You see her grooves, just turn the other way.”

“It’s not that simple.” She looks at you like you’re an idiot, and you roll your eyes at her. Fuschias, honestly. If you got paid for every time some pink in weird fashion choices interrupted you before you completed your epic monologue of amazing thought-provoking barrage, you wouldn’t have had to be the Orphaner.

“No shit. If you’re gonna be as keen to interrupt because I’m not telling you what you want to hear, then we’ll keep this short and simple. When was the first time you wanted to cull someone.”

If she stares at that tea any harder she’ll break a hole in the cup and spill tea all over your nice wooden table. Her voice is a whisper. “I was five. An Empirical Judge deemed it necessary to add an additional test of endurance to the Trials to ensure loyalty to the Empress and her Empire.”

That gets a raised brow. Eridan told you about what he had to do to prove his worth in your shoes, even though that took some time for him to even speak up. By the time he was five, that wouldn’t have been the first one.

She glances at you. “It was the first one I knew about. He kept the information from me, because he’s an idiot.”

“That’s true.” You sip your tea, smirk slightly at the smile you startle onto her face. “What did you do when you found out?”

The smile drops. “… I did nothing. I patched his wounds and stayed with him, but did nothing, even though I could have.”

“The fact that you didn’t is strike one on you following the same path She made. The Empress before her implemented additional rules to the Trials, she decided that she could do it better and took it into her own hands to oversee it.”

Feferi doesn’t look comforted by it, and you decide to skip the list of analogies and comparisons. You aren’t good at comfort, but by all deep gods are you trying.

For them both.

“There are similarities between you both, Feferi. Just like between any of us; Eridan and I, Spin and her Spinlet. Your choices define you, but your path isn’t set in the stone of your bloodline. Do you know the first wriggler I killed when She labelled me her Orphaner?”

You continue when she shakes her head. “A fuschia. A little fuschia barely crawling from the caverns and hadn’t even started the trek to the sea mother. The first fuschia Eridan met was you, and even after his Orphaner status dictated that he remove the competition, he didn’t. Your first encounter with the trials ended with you turning to help the one who needed it the most, instead of going up to those who ran it and declared you could make it better. The Empress would have killed all who stood in her way before they had a chance. If you had done the same, you would not have died on a meteor.”

She looks up at you sharply. Maybe you aren’t supposed to know, but you do. It’s too much to unpack all at once.

“Maybe she was kinder in her youth. Maybe she was more like you than you want to believe, the same kind of naïve positivity, enthusiastic and blinding. Maybe she believed she could make everything better through a route of kindness, before everything else made her bitter. We won’t know.”

Her hands are shaking minutely, you think she might cry. Ugh.

“You aren’t her, Feferi Peixes. The first clue lies in your fear of becoming her. No one afraid of wreaking destruction to build an unattainable image would be scared of turning out like their predecessor.”

She sniffs, you just set the box of tissues closer to her.

“I ain’t good at this comfort shit.” You try to keep your tone as gentle as you can. “I understand why you came to me, but frankly I’m the worst possible option. My devotion turned from her to my crew, and although I followed her word to the letter and revelled in the power my title gave me, she no longer stood in place as my fake north star. You need to talk to someone who either knew her better than I did, or combatted her more than I dared to.”

Her shoulders hunch, and she shifts to wipe her face with her hand. “I came because I knew you wouldn’t sugarcoat it if I… If you thought I was right in my worries.”

“That’s because sugarcoating takes so much goddamn effort and I so do not have any of that to spare right now. It’s hard enough trying to balance on Eridan’s eggshells, I ain’t even going to bother trying to find yours, heiress.”

She wipes her face again, sets her shoulders back. She would have been a great leader.

“I’m not much anymore, Feferi Peixes, but I’m not a liar. You aren’t your ancestor, and you never will be. That kind of brutality died in you a long time ago, and for it to rise again would take more than I know. Don’t be afraid of your emotions either, just keep them in check. Anger can clear the mind, but talking with fists does not solve anything.”

She gives you a small, kind of watery smile. “That’s pretty inspirational talk there.”

“Don’t give me any of the credit.” You snort, shaking your head. “My cook’s assistant thought she could fix anything with words, a spoonful of stew, and a hug. Her nattering just rubbed off on me is all.”

Just like with Eridan, seeing her smile feels like an achievement.

\---

♒: i think i just adopted another seadweller

♊: lmao


	5. Two old trolls play chess and complain; part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's just a chatlog between Dualscar and Psii. That's it. That's the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Psii was done by my lovely friend, because i would have butchered him immensely lmao

♒: what do you imagine is the limit for unhealthy amounts of tea ingested

♊: idk

♊: you or the kid?

♒: bold of you to assume i drink anythin that isnt straight liquor

♒: who do you think

♊: bullshit

♊: ive seen you drink tea like two times

♒: this is irrelevant

♒: should i start gettin concerned at the rather alarmin rate the tea is disappearin or nah

♊: why are you asking me

♊: how should i know

♊: my spawn down energy drinks like hell die if he stops for two seconds

♊: then he sparks enough to fry a small ship

♒: youre knowin for findin the limit of somethin and decidin that clearly it doesnt exist so you try and push it further

♒: ew

♒: and you let him?

♒: or do you just see it as a challenge and attempt to outdo him

♊: what do you want me to do about it

♊: ew no

♊: energy drinks is like if you dropped a pallet of candy in a full slurry bucket

♒: hell if i know im just sayin

♒: thats disgustin and i hate that youve put those words on my screen

♒: delete them

♊: nah

♒: youre insufferable

♒: p5 to E4 by the way

♊: ive heard

♊: anyway

♊: we were talking about your spawns tea addiction?

♊: kn-r to C6

♒: yeah if i didnt know better id say he was attemptin to replace most of his personality and history with tea

♒: but hes not that stupid

♒: so now im questionin other reasons

♒: because sure tea is nice but he has like way too many cups a day

♊: oh so hes you but with tea instead of hard liquor

♒:

♒: no

♒: p2 to B3

♊: yes

♒: your opinion is incorrect you dont know me

♊: bitch

♊: i actually do

♊: p5 to D6

♒: bastard

♒: no you dont

♒: you barely even know how hands work

♊: uncalled for

♒: dropped anythin lately

♊: none of your business

♒: a lot it is

♒: im guessin at least two liquid holdin things and somethin electrical

♊: played lusus lately

♒: fuck off

♒: i aint actin lusus

♊: oh you are so acting lusus

♊: its embarrassing to hear about second hand

♒: who would you even hear it from?

♒: if it were a thing

♒: because its not

♊: my spawn

♊: who talks with your spawn

♊: he thinks hes hot shit and can keep me out of his husktop with a simple encryption

♊: bitch i am the husktop

♒:

♒: a) hah thatd be funny to see that interaction</p>

♒: b) not anymore youre not but you can dream

♒: c) eridan doesnt even know assistance from mockin so he probably doesnt even know whats goin on

♒: d) kn-l to C3

♊: >:P

♊: tech is better than flesh

♒: uh huh

♒: sure psii

♒: tech cant hold a candle to physical touch though

♒: how are you holdin up against obnoxious red

♊: as if youd know

♊:

♊: i dont want to talk about that

♊: why do you even care

♊: p3 to F5

♒: you spend long enough talkin to a husk of troll inhabitin a bitch's digital system you grow curious

♊: its none of your business who i do or do not interact with

♒: testy

♒: not goin well then huh

♒: im gonna guess its guilt

♒: that or sheer irritation at all the touchy feely bullshit goin on

♊: what the fuck would i have to feel guilty about

♊: actually dont answer that

♊: what about you and mindfang?

♊: fallen back in a pile with her yet?

♒: you sure you dont want me to answer it

♒: eh

♒: no

♒: she has far more interestin things to focus on

♒: insert quotation marks

♒: besides she was already a bore before she got my head caved in

♒: why bother tryin to get back in

♒: p5 to F5

♊: fair point

♊: but also

♊: i mean

♊: trying to find someone else with a face like yours must be a real pain in the ass

♒: this kind of face is a one of a kind after all

♒: i at least hold better chances than you do

♒: considerin i actually leave my ship

♊: hey i can get so much booty without even leaving

♊: because thatd require moving this disgusting husk

♊: eugh

♊: knees are bullshit btw

♒: have you been walkin into things again

♊: no

♊: that would imply the shit has been able to work enough for me to walk

♊: p2 to G6

♒: you have exercises for a reason psii

♊: overrated

♊: why walk when i can do everything i need to do online

♊: and do everything without having to actually move the body im stuck in

♒: means you cause less concern for your sprog

♊: HA

♊: as if he gives two shits

♒: what you thought the gossipin went only one way?

♊: so long as theres food in the thermal hull he couldnt care less

♒: its probably disheartenin livin with you. youre all he has to look up to and all he can see is what hell end up as

♒: a husk that refuses to take care of itself

♒: psionics everyone. destined to be husks

♊: right forgot you and your spawn could live off of tea and gossip

♊:

♊: fair

♊: but also people won't let me just be a ship again

♊: for some fucking reason

♊: how badass would that be to look up to

♒: perhaps they like the idea of not bein constantly reminded of where you ended up because of their failures

♒: i mean

♊: oh yeah my ancestor is the biggest baddest warship out there

♒: you werent impressive as a ship to be honest

♊: fuck you

♒: im seen better

♊: fight me

♒: nah

♒: i dont need a toothpick right now

♊: i could destroy planets

♊: whole galaxies would tremple at my approach

♊: you wouldnt even get close to me

♊: highbloods

♊: honestly

♒: but i did

♒: so what does that say about you

♒: b-l to A3

♊: such brutes

♊: it says ill kick your ass as soon as i get you within view

♒: you wouldnt

♒: youd have no one left to talk to then

♒: or at least no one who wont pander and fawn over you because clearly you have it so bad readjustin to havin a body again

♒: poor widdle psi

♒: cant stop bashin his limbs on things

♊:

♒: pathetic

♊: youre just begging to be turned inside out now

♊: compressed to the size of a single atom

♒: i havent begged for a thing in my life and the only thing i would is for a kids nightmares to just stop for one damn night

♒: you dont scare me

♒: you cant even lift a biscuit without your sparkles

♊: i dont need to

♊: youre just jealous you cant fly

♒: i can swim why would i want to fly

♊: change the orbital course of a planet with just your mind

♊: because the sky is infinitely better than the ocean

♒: psii youre showboatin because you dont want to acknowledge somethin and to be honest it is very borin

♊: the oceans full of nasty stuff

♊: shut up

♊: you dont know me

♊: q to D7

♒: i know you better than you think

♊: no you dont

♒: either address it or quit your rubbish

♒: otherwise ill have to actually haul ass and shut you up in person and my god

♒: the effort

♊: theres nothing to address

♊: address what exactly

♒: i dont even want to comprehend it

♒: the sheer factor of havin to put one foot in front of the other

♊: lazy bitch

♒: just so i can get you to shut the fuck up

♒: oh the agony of thinkin about it

♊: youre so full of shit

♒: and fish

♊: you love my company

♊: anyway

♊: dont you have a descendant to lusus at?

♒: no hes hidin again

♒: with tea

♒: hence my original query

♊: so youre bothering me because youre bored and lonely and need someone to lusus at

♊: got it

♊: you chose the absolute worst target tho

♊: youd have more luck lususing at rosa

♒: i aint lususin??

♒: rosas annoyed at me because her sprogs annoyed at mine

♊: youre also neck deep in denial

♊: yeah i heard that

♒: and because i called her sprog a little bitch but yknow

♒: it was warranted

♊: idk why but rosa keeps me updated on shit

♊: idk

♊: from what ive heard her spawn is pretty chill

♒: probably is tryin to connect with you after knowin you spent sweeps as a ship for pink n bitchy

♒: eh

♊: maybe you overreacted a bit

♊: have you considered that

♒: uh no

♒: i did not

♊: also can we stop bringing up her bitchiness

♊: thinking about her makes me want to vomit

♒: have you spoken to feferi?

♊: no

♊: why should i

♒: might do you some good

♊: all tyrians are basically the same

♊: what good

♒: also she wants to talk to sollux but is scared of gettin in your space so yknow

♒: maybe dont cut off everyones interactions

♊: is it just so she can convince me to be her ship instead

♊: i dont care what she does with the spawn

♒: actually shell probably just ask you if you can remotely shove seaslime down someones shirt

♊:

♊: bullshit

♒: nah

♒: she got eridan out of the ship tryin to see who can shove it down serket the tinys shirt first

♒: they apparently had a ball

♒: q to E2

♊: are you sure you met the actual heiress and not a very convincing body double

♒: definitely sure

♒: youd like her actually

♒: she also doesnt like knees

♒: just tell her she can enter your place to talk to your stupid and small thing

♊:

♒: and when she asks whether you think shes destined to go batshit insane, you tell her no

♊: what if shes actually like )(er and was just hiding it

♒: or ill gut you

♒ :slight_smile:

♊: oh god you lusused her too

♒: no

♒: shes not like her psii

♒: trust me

♊:

♒: have i lied to you before

♊: ok

♊: i mean

♒: about somethin important not seadweller heights and bedroom habits

♊: youve lied about being good at chess

♒: im very good at chess!

♊: youre so bad at it

♒: youre just a fuckin computer!

♒: you just downloaded your talent

♊: cant even beat the ai

♊: you cant download talent

♒: apparently you did

♊: youre just pissy that a former slave is smarter than you

♒: actually a lot of people are smarter than me

♒: we already figured that out a long time ago

♊: yeah no shit

♒: remember the cannoneer on my ship

♊: no

♒: she was too smart for her own good

♒: youre so dumb

♊: idk if you know this

♒: but you dont care?

♊: but lowblood brains arent built to hold like 5000 sweeps of memories

♊: and flight instructions

♊: and everything needed to keep a ship running

♊: im lucky if i remember where i am when i wake up tbh

♒: i was goin to snark but to be honest

♒: i get it

♊: it sucks

♒: are you talkin to anyone about it?

♊: i dont want to dump it on rosa

♊: she has enough to deal with

♊: talking to dis just makes me really depressed for some reason

♊: and i cant talk to sign

♊: i just

♊: i cant

♊: so no

♊: nobody but you

♊: kn-r to D4

♒: and i aint good for that

♒: you should talk to someone

♊: that requires effort tho

♒: messagin doesnt

♊: and the spawn said hed get us pizza tonight

♊: so there goes my effort

♒: seriously who am i goin to talk to if you waste yourself away bein a sad flop of depressed troll

♊: idk

♊: youd probably find someone

♊: youre competent at being social

♒:

♒: you know thats a lie but thanks for the laugh

♊: you had your whole crew

♊: i couldnt do that

♒: i dont have them now do i

♊: you have your spawn

♊: and the heiress

♒: eridans afraid of me and feferi

♒: well i dont know with her

♊: you could probably talk to sign too

♒: she shouldnt have to deal with at

♒: ew no

♊: or that blueblood

♒: why

♒: oh god no

♒: absolutely no

♒: hes such an ass

♒: both of them are

♊: just throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks

♊: signs not an ass

♊: fight me

♒:

♊: hes the best person ever

♒: . . .

♊: what

♊: dont judgmentally dot dot dot at me

♒: . . . . . .

♊: i can feel the look youre sending

♊: at least come over here if youre going to just be sending looks

♒: im in the middle of the ocean?

♊: you can swim

♒: and you can fly

♒: you should come out here and bring your sprog

♊: fair

♒: see if he freaks out over water

♒: itd be funny

♒: castle

♊: i dont think he does

♊: but sure

♊: should i warn him or nah

♒: nope

♊: who knows maybe my spawn will cheer up yours

♊: anyway

♊: be ready to receive one pantless psion as soon as you send me some fucking coordinates

♒: thought you were a computer

♒: do you want somethin to drink when you get here

♊: i dont want your shitty powdered coffee if thats what youre asking

♒: i bought the good stuff

♊: sollux found this actual fancy highblood coffee maker its so good

♊: hm

♊: fine

♊: ill give it a try

♒: i wonder who put him onto that

♒: of course you will

♒: so yknow

♒: he can have it

♊: that made zero sense to me

♊: b-l to G7

♒: not surprised

♊: bitch

♊: ill kick your ass

♒: id like to see you try

♊: how dare you insult me

♒: stop makin it so easy

♊: >:(

♊: and here i was about to step outside to kick your ass

♊: now its not happening

♒: as if you were

♒: you never go outside

♒: do you even know what colour the grass is

♊: yeah

♒: side note i found a nice coffeeshop for you

♊: how could i not know what color the grass is

♒: does fancy good coffee

♒: youre an idiot

♊: that requires leaving though

♊: ive been to one coffee shop with fancy coffee

♒: its at the end of your block dumbass

♊: it was stupid expensive and tasted nasty

♊: who puts almonds in coffee

♒: its selfautomated so you dont even have to talk to anyone

♒: humans

♊: humans are the worst

♒: yes

♒: very obnoxious

♊: theyre so weird

♊: anyway

♊: how goes it with your spawn

♊: is him being a sad lump still making you a sad lump?

♒: i am not a sad lump

♒: im never a sad lump

♒: he was doin okay and then had a run in with that piece of shit vantas the younger

♒: and now hes all quiet again

♒: p5 to G6

♊: youre full of shit is what you are

♊: oh mini sign

♊: yeah hes a handful

♒: hes also on my to stab list

♊: DS no

♊: dont stab the wrigglers

♒: and let them constantly upset mine? fuck no

♒: stabby stabby you shouty little bitch

♊: how about maybe talk to your spawn about it

♊: if he approves the stabbing you go ahead

♒: eridan doesnt want me to do anythin ever at all

♊: so dont

♒: its very frustratin

♊: make him tea or something

♊: kn-r to E2

♒: its deserved though

♊: bring his a pastry

♊: i mean

♊: just because the kid yelled?

♒: no for what he said

♒: if i went after every kid that yelled id have to go kill myself

♒: honestly psii

♊: hm fair

♊: then id have to deal with actually being the nastiest troll alive

♒: makara still exists unfortunately

♊: point taken

♊: if it helps we can try and see if my spawn can help your spawn?

♊: if youre not still out in the middle of fuckoff nowhere on the ocean

♒: no we docked yesterday

♒: was considerin headin out again though because eridan likes the reef and at least there he doesnt seem so sad all the time

♒: like i get it. the kid fucked up

♒: but so did basically everyone

♒: why do they harp on him for it?

♒: the fucks the damage?

♊: sometimes people just like having someone to blame

♒: vriska exists and she finds bein blamed hilarious

♒: cant they just use her

♒: is it because they get a reaction out of eridan

♊: im pretty sure part of it is finding someone who gets upset at being blamed

♊: because then its validated

♊: someone whos not guilty wont react to being blamed

♒: and how long before they stop, then

♒: when hes dead?

♊: lets be realistic

♊: theyll die before him

♒: not at this rate.

♊:

♒: hes too young for this psii

♊: youre really worried about him huh

♒:

♒: yeah

♊: hey

♊: youre doing the best you can

♊: idk if its a thing but whenever id feel bad sign would dish out hugs

♊: totally platonically

♊: maybe offer your descendant that?

♒:

♊: i came with a good point there huh

♒: no

♒: of course not

♒: when have you ever had a good point about anythin

♒: dumbass

♊: many times

♊: i mean i cant remember any right now but i sure theres some in my old hdds

♊: if you find them let me know

♒: those dont count any more

♊: yes they do

♒: theyre too outdated

♒: and probably biased

♊: youre outdated

♒: no you

♊: and biased

♒: thats fair ill take that one

♊: youre older than me

♒: and

♊: thus youre more outdated than me

♒: incorrect

♊: you were already horribly outdated when i crawled out of the caverns

♒: was not

♊: and youll still be horribly outdated when i turn to dust

♒: id barely gotten my scars

♊: bs

♒: were movin on

♊: yeah sure

♊: back to you being a protective lusus then

♒: or we can go right back to murder

♒: thats fine with me too

♊: yknow who id like to murder

♊: that creepy blueblood

♊: fuck him

♒: hed probably be into that

♊: eugh

♒:

♒: actually want me to see if i can bribe small and excitable into gettin him to just fuck right off

♊: sounds like a good plan

♊: is small and excitable your newest grub?

♒: no

♒: what even

♒: no

♒: the fuck psii

♊: grub, wriggler, who cares

♊: theyre all basically grubs theyre so small

♒: thats fair

♒: but i dont have any

♊: you have at least two

♒: no i dont

♊: pissy fishy and the )(eiress

♒: pissy fishy?

♒: im gonna use that one

♊: got it from my spawn

♊: lanky little shit

♊: has some good insults though

♒: probably picked up from mine

♊: or younger vantas

♒: lets be real yours wouldnt have the space in his pan to formulate such a thing

♒: thats debatable

♊:

♊: im a lil bit insulted

♒: have you only got that much storage space left in yours for that much emotion

♊: yeah

♊: got most of my ram allocated towards basic body functions

♊: like breathing and blinking

♒: wait do you even know about the green abomination

♒: smart

♊: what green abomination

♒:

♒: maybe ask your sprog about that

♊: ?

♊: okay brb then

♊: if he doesnt answer then get me your spawn

♒: i aint makin eridan tell you

♊: apparently its

♊: "game shit you dont need to know fuck off"

♊: at least he got pissy enough to go shopping

♊: so more coffee hell yeah

♒: does he tell you about that stuff at all?

♒: does your sprog have the same shitty emotional conversation habits as you

♒: what am i sayin of course he does

♒: you can tell him either he tells you or i do

♒: and ill make it really bad

♊: sorry for the wait

♊: hes out and i had to deal with the husk

♊: in a moment of Yikes™️

♊: remind me why im not allowed to fuck off from the husk

♒: are you talkin about your body or the technological device

♊: the body

♊: i mean

♊: technically its mine but like

♊: dont want it

♒: youre goin to have to get used to it again eventually psii

♊: over my dead body

♒: your sprog would probably prefer it if you were less of a lump

♊: as if he gives a fuck

♒: i assure you he does

♊: im pretty sure thats bs

♊: why should he

♊: i mean

♊: look at me

♊: literally and figuratively

♒: he probably hoped he could learn from you

♒: you were the most powerful psionic right

♊: lmao

♊: still am

♊: not that its much good any more

♊: or ever was

♒: as your descendant he inherited that, and he probably hoped youd teach him more

♒: but no

♒: barely even function aside from to ask for coffee

♒: instead you ignore him

♊: the only thing i could teach him is how to function in a helm

♒: i know you dont believe that psii cmon

♊: tbh hes better off not dealing with all of this

♒: he talks to eridan about you

♊: oh im sure he does

♒: hes asked me about you

♊: bs

♊: nobody wants to deal with a psion who thinks hes still supposed to be a ship

♊: nobody in their right mind wants to be a ship

♒: i aint a liar psii

♊: liar liar pants on fire

♊: whatd he ask you about me?

♒: how long are you gonna hide behind your bullshit and fear, dumbass

♒: whether you thought he was either a) an embarrassment, b) an irritation, or c) a waste of the air in your shared accommodation. i screenshot the message before he deleted it

♒: youre very alike

♒: b-r to E2

♊: why would i ever think hes an embarassment

♒: you dont talk to him

♒: and he got blinded and a whole bunch of other stuff apparently

♊: hes whip smart and powerful and everything id ever hoped any descendant of mine could ever have been

♒: do you tell him

♊:

♒: im gonna tell him

♊: its not that easy

♊: its like

♊: i look at him and i just want him to never have to deal with any of what i had to deal with

♊: and you know i dont have a filter so what if i accidentally spew some of that at him

♊: hes a kid

♊: he shouldnt have to deal with all of this

♊: imagine me vaguely gesturing towards myself here

♒: psionics were harvested for helmsman induction at the age of eight by the time these lot were alive

♊:

♒: can guarantee he already knew what you had to deal with

♊: oh gods

♊: now i want to kill )(er again

♒: you blocked it when you were her helmsman

♒: yeah

♒: i know

♊: theyre just kids

♊: i wasnt even allowed to haul in the quarry when i was that age

♒: eridan was four and a half when he did his first hunt as orphaner

♊: gods....

♒: you need to talk to him psii

♊: im gonna fuck up so bad

♊: then youre gonna have to lusus one more kid

♒: you have the benefit of him not bein afraid of you

♒: hes blunt, so are you

♒: you could just go and ask

♒: be like "Hello little sproglet of mine, tiny sparky boy,"

♊:

♒: i got some fucked up shit in my pan but lets talk

♊: awful i read that bit in your shitty accent

♒: you should say exactly that to him

♊: fuck no

♒: its a good starter

♊: ugh

♊: stop being responsible

♒: "sorry, i asked for help on how to talk to you because i am inept at basically everythin that isnt coffee drinkin and that was the advice"

♊: im throwing energel wrapers at you

♊: gods now i want energel

♒: even spin is talkin to her sproglet psii

♊: think thats still a thing here?

♊: ugh

♒: i reckon your kid's feelin left out

♒: probably

♊: i cant even hold a cup how am i supposed to hold a conversation

♊: badum tss

♒: actually thats another good startin point

♒: "i have to do exercises to regain mobility but anyone else will just give me stupid facial expressions can i trust you to just be chill"

♒: done

♒: im so smart

♊: youre the dumbest bastard ive ever met

♊: and the exercises are so not worth it

♊: like what am i even supposed to do with my hands

♊: but fine

♊: ill try to talk to him

♊: if you try to get better at not wanting to stab random wrigglers

♊: feel free to stab the clown

♊: or if you need blackmail to keep him away i have a word for word transcript of him fucking up at an imperial event stashed away in my meat storage

♊: p5 to D5

♒: WHY ARE YOU ONLY TELLIN ME NOW

♒: gimme

♊: because its prime blackmail

♊: ill trade that if you have anything good to offer

♒: a video of dis gettin signless to eat a human delicacy thats basically fermented herrin thats been fermentin for like

♒: a long time

♒: happened last week

♊: tempting

♊: how about

♊: you do a physical thing for me and i send you the shit

♒: such as

♊: i have a thing i need done

♊: but that i will not expose my descendant to

♒: which is

♊: i need

♊: a shower

♊: or bath

♒: do you really have absolutely no mobility?

♒: how longs your descendant out for then

♊: i can stand for like five minutes

♊: max

♊: and i cant do the soap bottles

♊: hes out for a bit longer but like

♊: i can float over

♒: psii...

♒: you havent done any of the exercises have you

♒: those are for your damn health

♊: what do you think

♊: health is overrated

♒: you are an absolute disaster

♒: ill be there in a bit

♊: thanks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're playing chess btw.  
> If you made it all the way through this you deserve a lot of praise thank u.


	6. Two old trolls complain and play chess; part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is purely because i was very tired last night and didnt want to edit the entire thing so yay two parts.

♒: b-l to E7

♒: so i heard you had a conversation with my sprog today

♒: too stuck up to talk to me in person but youll talk to eridan huh

♊: p8 to E6

♊: he saw me and got offended

♊: I had to defend my right as an adult to float around my own hive without pants

♊: and then I had to get blackmail on you

♒: which im sure he didnt give

♒: but seriously wear more clothes more often

♒: no one wants to see that

♊: dont lie you think i have the best ass in town

♊: im a hot commodity

♊: pants are overrated though

♊: too much legs

♊: which hurt

♒: b-l to B4

♒: you dont even own an ass

♊: i own the best ass

♒: maybe if you did the things set out for you it wouldnt hurt dumbass

♒: no you dont

♊: they hurt because i do the things

♊: which makes them hurt

♊: kn-l to F6

♒: that means its workin

♒: so keep doin them

♊: ugh

♊: its bs

♊: i did get some tasty blackmail tho

♒: on who

♒: eridan?

♊: on you

♊: idiot

♒: psh

♒: doubt it

♊: :)

♒: what did he tell you?

♊: he told me he knows an old man who has to wear glasses now

♒:

♊: and who made the worst cookies ever

♒: whos that

♒: not me

♊: :)

♒: i dont even like cookies?

♊: i may or may not have pictures

♒:

♒: brb

♒: he says he doesnt have photos so where did you get photos

♒: p4 to D4

♊: :)

♊: you just admitted its you

♒: what

♒: no i didnt

♒: what are you even on about

♊: lol i cant believe youre that old and crusty

♊: is it those shitty little half moon glasses

♊: it is isnt it

♒: says the guy who needs help bathin

♒: no

♊: hey i dont need that any longer

♒: i dont have glasses

♊: because apparently sitting in the shower is acceptable

♒: sure you dont

♒: you still refuse to lift shampoo bottles by yourself

♒: because youre an idiot

♊: fingers are bs

♊: fucking fight me

♊: no shame in needing glasses though

♊: so long as youre ready to accept that youre old and crusty

♒: fuck off

♒: im none of those things

♊: ʰᵉʸ ᵈᵘᵃˡ ʷʰᵃᵗ ᵈᵒᵉˢ ᵗʰᶦˢ ˢᵃʸ

♒: it says youre a little bitch and that you walk around with pizza grease permanently on your face

♒: honestly have some selfrespect at least once in your life

♊: ehehehehehe

♊: ᵇᶦᵗᶜʰ ʸᵒᵘ ᶜᵃⁿᵗ ᶠᵘᶜᵏᶦⁿᵍ ʳᵉᵃᵈ

♒: goodbye

♊: this is the best thing ever

♊: when i get to visiting you need to show me your awful little glasses

♊: i bet you look like the headmaster from Harree Potter

♒: blocked

♊: :)

♊: your block means nothing to me

♊: ᶦ ᵃᵐ ᵗʰᵉ ᶦⁿᵗᵉʳⁿᵉᵗ

♒: youre a little bitch is what you are

♒: lets see your “”internet”” hold up against the ocean

♒: because thats where im dumpin your flat ass in

♊: if you can get a hold of me

♊: i can float literally 50 cm out of reach and you wont be able to do shit

♊: come at me you blind motherfucker

♊: p7 to B6

♒: i meant my device but ill dump your useless physical body in as well

♒: you do remember i am taller than you

♊: but can you fly

♊: didnt think so

♊: besides

♊: how can you catch what you cant see

♒: alternatively i use eridan

♒: hes a slippery bastard and even you wont be able to escape him for too long

♒: youll have to come down eventually psii

♒: youre too weak to do much else

♊: nah

♊: bitch

♊: my body may be garbage

♊: but im as strong as ever

♒: how long can you sustain yourself in flight before the headache makes your body give out

♊: long enough to float away

♒: so who gets your descendant when you float off into nothinness

♒: actually im gonna tell people your overinflated ego is the reason you floated away

♊: you get my spawn

♊: you have enough practice lususing

♒: you are never gonna let that go huh

♒: if you had to deal with eridan and all his stuff then youd lusus as well

♒: you just have the unfortunate inability to give a shit, and therefore your sprog doesnt trust you enough to say anything

♒: kn-l to D5

♊: yeah

♊: but hey

♊: i had a talk with the kid

♊: bad times but yknow

♒: oh really

♊: it was a thing

♒: a successful thing or a “we will never talk again” thing

♊: i had to explain that me being fucked up isnt his fault or anything

♊: i mean it wasnt awful

♊: not great either

♒: ah is he a selfdepreciatin “everything sucks because i suck and its my fault” dumbass as well

♊: but i got to show him how to play games handless so now we do that to practice his fine psionic control

♊: oh absolutely

♊: its the worst

♊: makes me feel so bad for sign because he had to deal with me being like that

♊: i also got to tell him good job on not being a complete shitbag

♊: and some other mushy stuff that i wont tell you about because youll get mushy by proxy

♊: kn-l to D5

♒: no i will not

♒: but thats good that you did that

♒: thats progress psii

♊: feels like sludge

♒: and hey maybe itll benefit you too

♊: bs

♒: stubborn little shit

♒: deal with it

♊: hey nothing little about me

♒:

♊: what

♒: sure psii

♊: oh i see

♊: get your mind out of the gutter you gross bastard

♒: absolutely not

♒: anyway

♒: the whole reason i started talkin about you talkin to eridan is because i wanted to know whether you got any dirt on him

♒: not the other way around

♊: dirt on ED?

♊: nah

♒: you nicknamed him?

♒: or just stole your sprogs

♒: b-r to D3

♊: nah picked it up from my spawn

♊: i think the two of them got stuck in the kids pile for like

♊: an hour

♒: snik

♒: really

♒: and here he was just sayin they were sittin at a table

♊: theres one table in this hive and i havent seen its surface through the mountain of game cases for

♊: idk

♒: a long time

♊: yeah

♒: dont you own a bookcase

♒: why not put the cases in that

♊: its full already

♒: or anywhere thats out of the way

♒: with what?

♊: idk if you know

♊: but apparently my spawn collects shitty old games

♊: like

♊: from before our time

♒:

♒: how did you manage to spawn somethin thats a bigger nerd than you are

♊: fuck if i know

♊: it just happened 

♊: and i could ask you the same

♊: your kid had a whole boat rant

♊: r-r to A7

♒: thats fair though

♒: boats are nice

♒: who was he rantin at?

♊: sollux

♊: from what i caught it was from some conversation they had before

♊: idk

♊: i was getting coffee

♊: now before you start

♊: yes i can live on coffee alone

♊: theres calories in coffee when you add honey

♒: its not sustainin psii honestly

♒: you need to eat somethin ffs

♒: youre worse than Eridan

♒: kn-r to F3

♊:

♊: is soup an acceptable alternative

♒: yes

♒: actually

♊: bodies are nasty and the less i have to deal with it the better

♊: also i cant chew anything without biting every part of my mouth

♒: you need to find somethin that makes you want to stay alive or im gonna have to go socialise to find someone whos better at bullyin you into givin a shit

♒: mongrel teeth

♊: considering just removing my fangs at this point

♒: sounds like a cry for sympathy

♊: eh

♊: cant be assed to cry for sympathy

♊: for now ill live for the chance to see you with your headmaster glasses

♒: theyre not half moon glasses psii

♒: though to be fair i probably need to get new ones these are really old and dont do the not- screen reflectin thing

♊: still gonna see them though

♊: im sure you look like a complete dork

♒: i still look better than you do

♊: bullshit

♊: im a hot commodity

♊: even the empress wanted this hot bod

♊: p6 to C5

♒: pff

♊: youre just jealous youre all big and bara and you cant attract anyone

♒: p4 to C5

♒: she already had like three bed warmers she didnt need you

♒: i know i look better than you do

♒: plus i also look terrifyin still

♒: which is great

♒: sometimes we go out to terrify the drunkards on the pier

♊: she may not have needed me but she wanted me

♊: the one thing she couldnt have

♊: you look like a dork and a loser

♊: theres nothing terrifying about you

♊: with your wiggly fins and dumb glasses

♒: the teeth

♒: and biolumens comin up out of the inky darkness

♒: i look terrifyin as fuck and its great

♊: you look lik a glowstick with novelty shark teeth

♒: youre just a dumbass with no sense of self preservation

♒: uh i think youd be the better glowstick

♒: snap snap and he sparkles

♊: hm fair

♊: kn-l to B4

♒: hooray

♊: snap me like a glowstick and let me have peace

♒: nah

♒: just because you dont want a second chance at life doesnt mean others dont want it for you

♊: aw how sweet

♒: have you played those online multiplayer games yet

♊: you want me around

♒: not me you bastard

♊: nah

♊: not yet

♒: rosa keeps talkin to me

♒: you should

♊: eh

♊: effort

♊: whys rosa talking to you?

♒: annihilate the dweebs online itd be funny

♒: because i apparently talk to you the most for some reason and she wants to know why

♊:

♊: tell her im sorry

♊: and that i just cant

♒: you could tell her yourself

♊: they deserve better

♒: theyre worried about you yknow

♊: i know

♊: they shouldnt be

♒: you blocked dis apparently

♊: yeah

♊: she was quoting one of signs sermons at me

♒: if one of them started doin what you are wouldnt you be worried

♒: well sign is a dumbass anyway so thats fair

♊: hes not

♊: you just dont get it

♒: i watched him push a pull door for ten minutes psii

♒: hes a dumbass

♊: you havent ever really loved someone have you?

♒:

♒: no

♒: i dont have it in me for that

♊: imagine if what happened to sign happened to eridan

♊: someone hurt him and you could do nothing but just watch

♊: could you ever look at him again

♊: knowing that you failed to protect him

♊: that you failed to keep him safe

♊: that you weren't good enough

♒: he doesnt blame you psii

♊: he should

♒: because the rebellion failed, he died, and you were forced into a helm?

♒: for somethin that was technically out of his an your control

♒: she was too powerful for you to beat

♒: the rebellion wouldve failed regardless of what anyone did

♊: if id fought harder he wouldnt have died like that

♒: there was no organisation no plannin no nothin but a red with wild ideas and a voice

♊: strung up and bled like a beast

♒: she would have tortured him otherwise

♒: kept him as her own little slave

♒: a decorative item

♊:

♒: your reactions at his capture saved him from that

♊: you dont know that

♒: she delighted more in watchin you suffer than makin him

♒: dont i?

♒: her right hand troll?

♊: i could at least have given them a merciful death

♊: burned myself out instead of giving in

♒: she had already started harvestin psionic power for herself by then

♒: you would have done nothin for them

♒: you cant change the past psii

♊: maybe not

♒: and now youre just wallowin in it because you cant let go

♊: but i can at least stay out of their way now

♒: so cause them more hurt because youre selfish

♊: then they dont have to deal with a ship pretending to be a troll

♒: they think theyve done somethin wrong. made you think they blame you

♒: and i get tasked with the job of tellin them that no. he just doesnt get his head out of the sand because hes a coward

♒: pick one of them to talk to psii before i make you

♊: and how are you going to make me

♒: sollux has been given a pair of psionic cuffs. in your current state, hes stronger than you, so hes able to put them on you. And then theres nothin stoppin me from pickin you up and bringin you to them

♊:

♊: i need to go

♒: just think about it psii

♒: they cant bear it with you hatin them

♒: im used to it, so it doesnt mean anythin to me

♊: you think i havent thought about it?

♒: obviously not

♒: youre supposed to be smart but yikes. What a misconception

♒: p4 to B6

♊: and what, its better if they realize that i failed them?

♊: shut up.

♒: dont you think its fair to let them come to that conclusion themselves

♒: instead of forcin it on them and refusin to do otherwise

♒: which in turn just makes them push harder for you

♊: im done talking to you.

♒: talk to them or i will make you

\--♊ has blocked you--

♒: 5.

♒: 4.

♒: 3.

♒: 2.

♒: 1.

♊: how the fuck did you get unblocked

♒: i have the unique skill of bein very very irritatin

♊: im guessing youre the one whos been blowing up solluxs messages then

♒: no i think thats eridan actually

♒: hes had a shit few days as well

♒: i just asked him to pass on a message

♒: in return for the video of vantases a and b arguin over whether its pronounced tomayto or tomahto

♊:

♊: so whats the point of getting sollux to unblock you?

♒: because no other asshole is goin to talk to me and as long as you keept leavin read receipts on my messages im gonna keep sendin you shit

♊: im gonna talk to you once

♊: fuck off

♒: nah

♒: you could just turn off read receipts you know

♊: dualscar.

♊: Leave me alone.

♒: and let you self destruct yourself over nothin?

♒: no

♊: Or are you just going to spend the rest of the night telling me what's best for me like I'm a wayward wriggler and you're my lusus?

♒: i mean the alternative is bein left alone with my mistakes and i cant afford to do what you are doin and go sink to the bottom of an ocean trench never to see the light of day again

♒: because if you, who have done nothing, is cuttin off from everyone and tryin to become a wasted husk, then theyll start askin why havent i

♒: who has done more horrible shit than you ever will

♒: not done the same

♊:

♊: yeah well you never had anyone to disappoint

♒: i had a moirail once

♒: he died hatin me

♊: neat

♒: i have a great many trolls to disappoint psii

♒: you arent special

♊: mine died knowing id failed him and broken the only promise id ever made to him

♒: ah i forgot that makes your more important and infinitely more in the wrong because youre a lowblood and therefore you feel things that i couldnt possibly understand

♒: bluh bluh

♊: whatever

♊: dont you have a descendant to take care of?

♊: i mean

♊: im sure you have more important things to do than sit around talking to me

♒: no hes busy on the mainland consolin your descendant apparently

♊: individually inspecting every rock on the beach for example

♒: that does sound like fun but alas

♒: talkin to myself is still not amusin

♒: means i have oodles of time to sit around and squint at a phone

♊: whys your spawn out consoling mine or whatever

♒: oh youre freakin him out

♒: he thinks he said somethin because you exploded a kettle and then hid in your room since

♒: not very good that

♒: of course you could just blame it on me but that would, again, involve talkin to him

♊: dont lie you love dealing with me

♊: who knows we might even be able to gross out the kids

♒: that is always fun

♒: fine

♒: but only if you can convince eridan to bake somethin

♊: nice

♊: dont worry i will

♒: dont bribe him either

♊: :)

♒: >:/

♊: q to E7

\---

♊: gods your kismesis new boytoy is a pain in the fucking ass

♒: shes not my kismesis

♒: how so

♊: do you have any idea how fucking infuriating it is to have someone correcting you on the story of your own life

♒:

♒: are you serious

♒: tell me someone videoed your reaction

♒: i need to see it

♊: "well actually this is how the sufferer was caught"

♊: well actually im going to shove your own oversized horns up your ass

♒: do it

♒: itd be funny

♊: if i ever see him again i just might do it

♊: also which fucker thought itd be a great idea to make signs sign the fucking manacles

♊: i just want to know

♒: he likes the irony though huh

♒: because now he owns it

♒: and what she used as a show of “dont fucking do this” turned into a giant fuck you

♊: hes a bit of an idiot unfortunately

♒: told you

♊: god but that fucking guy with his stupid fluttery wings and his stupid trihawk and his stupid smug grin

♊:

♊: i should stop

♊: go scream into a pillow

♒: oh my gods

♒: psii

♒: psii are you black for this fucker

♒: p4 to A7

♊: i am absolutely not

♊: that would imply id want to go anywhere near the guys genitals

♊: i just want him to stop fucking talking

♒: i mean

♒: theoretically

♒: point a would achieve point b

♊: this is like if i implied you have a hateboner for the clown

♒: shrug

♊: oh my god

♒: my desire to remove his head from his shoulders outweighs anythin else

♊: you do have a hateboner for makara?

♒: and i dont redate trolls

♒: no

♊: oh ew

♊: you used to date him?

♊: bad decision

♊: kn-l to A2

♒: a very very very long time ago

♒: like VERY long time ago

♊: oh my god

♒: before he even really went with his church

♊: was he the moirail who ended up hating you?

♒: no hes dead

♊: fair

♊: you never know

♒: what

♊: for all i know it could have been him

♊: anyway

♒: it absolutely was not trust me

♊: nitram has fucking red tinsel on his pants

♊: like imperial red tinself

♊: hot glued to his pants

♒:

♊: its hideous

♒: pfffff

♒: rip it off

♊: his stupid trihawk is imperial red

♒: what does sign think of him

♊: fuck if i know

♊: i havent talked to sign about him yet

♒: he probably finds it hilarious

♊: probably

♒: do you think this guy knows how cringey he is or nah

♊: anyway i gotta figure out where he lives so i can send him a glitter bomb

♊: oh im sure he has no idea

♒: youre a computer, im sure youll figure itout

♒: just follow the sound of cringe

♊: ill figure it out

♊: anyway

♊: anything fun happen to you lately?

♒: k to B2

♒: oh i electrocuted myself by accident and eridan got stuck in an underwater cavein

♒: but i found this cool shark

♒: so yknow bonus

♊: how

♊: how did you get yourself electrocuted

♊: you idiot

♒: it wasnt my fault dumbass

♒: a storm blew up out of nowhere and struck the mast when i was lashin the ropes down on the starboard tethers

♒: no biggie it healed without scarrin

♊: that

♊: is so hilarious

♊: but also wow

♊: seadweller healing

♊: id have died

♒:

♒: you are a psionic

♊: yeah so

♒: youd probably just static

♒: it was kina painful though not gonna lie. Tryin to use my hands for a day after sucked

♊: just because i can make electricity doesnt mean i can survive getting struck by lightning

♒: youd have a better chance than some

♒: irrelevant i dont recommend it

♊: better chances than fairy fucker

♒: stop gettin black all over my screen

♊: im not black for anyone

♒: and i can bake

♊:

♊: point taken

♊: now hecc off

♊: q to A3

♒: to where

♒: im already in the middle of nowhere

♒: actually i was just about to perform an experiment

♊: heck off of your stupid phone

♊: what sort of experiment

♒: well you know how your descendant had that super dumb expression goin on when eridan fell asleep on him last time you shits were over

♊: yeah?

♒: im wonderin what the reaction will be if i send him photos of eridan rangin from him bein dumb and him being asleep

♊:

♊: ill provide pictures of his dumb face

♒: because a) eridan did not get me coffee before we left so i am mildly petty, and b) itd be funny

♒: neat

♊: i thought you didnt drink coffee

♒: early mornins require one cup of coffee, black

♊: fair

♊: dont you have a coffee maker though?

♒: he didnt get the grounds

♒: the coffee stuff

♊: ah

♊: disown him

♒: i would but then no one would be enthusiastic about sharks with me

♒: kn-r to G5

♊: fair enough

♒: plus then ill have to find someone else who can help me beat feferi at cards because shes criminally good

♊: oh so you cant play chess or cards

♊: good to know

♒: i can play both

♊: ill believe it when i see it

♒: it just so happens that some trolls are better than me at said things

♒: feferi bein on of them

♊: oh dang you must really care about her

♊: seeing as youre willing to admit that shes better than you at something

♊: by the way

♊: checkmate

♒: what

♊: checkmate

♒: whats your move?

♊: kn-l to C3

♒:

♒: you bastard

♊: lmao you cant even play chess

♒: youre such an asshole

♒: im not even goin to dignify it with a response

♒: so

♒: back to feferi

♒: to be honest psii she sort of needs it

♒: the knowledge that shes good at somethin that isnt bein assumed to follow pink and bitchy

♒: by the way pass on the message that if any of your bitchass family mentions that again ill rip their spines out and decorate them on the trees

♊: fair

♒: good

♊: you really care about her huh

♒: someone has to

♒: shes got no one to turn to really

♒: and at least i can tell her to stop bein stupid and shell listen

♊: youve got a good point

♊: though

♊: maybe look into finding some better anger management than just shooting stuff?

♒: i havent shot anythin in a long time psii

♒: guns gone

♊: good

♒: and i mean eridan has it, but its locked in the card thing

♒: so neither of us can access it

♊: good

♒: its just a decorative heirloom now

♊: good

♊: no offense

♊: but please keep it that way

♒: ahabs is a piece of amazin craftsmanship though you gotta admit

♒: also eridan wielded it. And hes tiny

♒: he did say the first time he fired it it dislocated his shoulder but by the time the hell game happened he was firin single handedly from the air

♊: impressive

♊: a strong kid

♊: just

♊: idk

♊: sorry im being weird here

♒: i know you dont find it impressive

♒: its alright

♊: thats not my issue but sure

♊: you do you

♒: did you want to expand on it?

♊: nah im good

♊: im gonna go get sööp

♊: get some nutrionce

♒: im concerned but yknow what

♒: alrighty

♒: good on you for gettin soup

♊: sööp

♒: soup

♊: whatever

♊: its nutricience

♒: what is with your obsession with sayin things wrong

♊: i just wanna have fun with language

♊: let me make mistake

♊: autocorrect hasnt let me fuck up for so long

♒: thats fair

♒: it just takes like extra time to comprehend

♒: because really what the fuck is sööp

♊: its sööp

♊: its delicionce

♒: im goin to get a translater

♊: ask your kid

♊: im sure hell understand

♒: i meant feferi

♒: eridans out swimmin

♊: ah fair

♊: let her know i said hi

♊: and all that stuff

♊: anyway

♊: sööp time

♒: i did

♒: enjoy your soup

♊: will do

\---

♊: today on god i hate my meatsuit

♊: having to get new clothes is the worst

♒: didnt you just get new clothes

♊: i mean

♊: yeah

♊: but its getting cold

♊: and we cant all have a layer of protective blubber

♊: so new socks

♊: which dont even fit

♒: i was goin to say its not blubber its muscles but its both so ill let it slide

♒: youre makin all this drama over socks

♊: ds

♊: not just socks

♊: im just looking at the socks right now

♊: i have the largest size sweater and its a fucking croptop on me

♊: this is bs

♒: you do know you need to a) shop in the trolls section and b) shop in the adults

♒: youre so dramatic psii honestly

♒: just get rosa to make you somethin

♊: i did

♊: rosa thought i was joking when i sent her measurements

♒: try seafolk section then

♊: too expensive

♒: though you may need to go to a specific store

♒: since seafolk arent as common

♊: also all violet

♊: which yikes

♒: your descendant is fuckin loaded you idiot

♊:

♊: bullshit

♒: youre a dumbass psii

♒: we have gods for descendants and theyre loaded

♊: i refuse to believe hes loaded

♒: get him to access his account and have him pay

♊: i have never seen that boy buy anything more expensive than good gaperpaper

♒: sigh

♒: ill get eridan to show him the good stores

♊: can u just let me complain for five minutes

♊: you dingdong

♒: go butt fuckin wild

♊: anyway

♊: clothes are awful but apparently im not allowed to wear my flight suit

♊: apparently its nasty as shit

♊: which is bs

♊: i washed it when i showered yesterday

♒: because you didnt take it off

♒: why dont you just ask rosa to make you more flight suits

♒: or commission a tailor

♊: do you think im royalty

♊: do you think i can afford that

♒: youre a dumbass

♒: give me your measurements you obtuse fuck

♊: ugh fine

\--♊ sent measurements.txt!--

♒:

♒: you are an absolute string bean

♒: any request for colour etc

♊: nah

♊: so long as i get to keep my sign

♒: alrighty

♒: anyway so those should arrive within two to three days

♊: wow

♊: nice

♊: i still might die from the cold though

♊: will keep you updated

♒: theres also a surprise

♒: thermal inner linin

♒: youre welcome

♒: cold bastard

♊: :0

♊: awesome

♊: oh that reminds me

♒: let me know when they arrive

♊: isnt it like

♒: what

♊: human 12th perigree soon-ish?

♒: uh

♒: i have no idea

♊: fair

♊: idk what i expected

♊: youre barely in touch with troll culture

♊: let alone alien culture

♒: it is a bit of a headache

♒: why do you ask

♊: eh just wondering

♊: i saw the streets getting decorated the other night

♒: did you want a gift

♒: ooh

♒: nice

♊: nah

♊: im good

♒: dont want thermal socks or anythin

♊: nah

♊: i can manage

♊: dont worry about me

♊: sap man

♒: someone has to until rosa gets her act together

♒: i did find a pair of socks that said ‘little bitch’ on then

♊: oh nice

♒: considered gettin it for you anyway

♊: show me where you found those

♊: i need to get some for dis

♒: this department store by the foreshore

♒: dunno what it was called

♊: ill find them

♊: thanks dude

♒: buy yourself a pair as well

♊: if i can find them big enough

♒: im sure youll find somethin

♊: who knows

♊: oh that reminds me

♊: i think the kids are planning some big 12th perigree get together

♒:

♊: and im guessing you and your spawn arent going to be attending

♒: dunno

♒: ill ask

♒: feferi will

♒: might let eridan chill in the boat

♊: ill look out for her if you an ED end up not attending

♒: thanks psii

♒: i think she wants eridan to go

♒: which it would be good for him

♒: but still

♒: hes meetin up with rosas spawn today, apparently

♊: hey if it all goes to shit we might be able to gather a few people to come to him

♊: i mean i know AA is chill with him and handmaid just goes along wherever as far as i know

♊: i think sign wants to meet him too or something

♒: i do not like signs brat

♊: i know

♊: hes

♊: an acquired taste

♊: lets put it like that

♒: he is the epitome of shit

♊: dont be rude

♒: id rather sit through tea with makara than let him go near eridan again with that bitchass attitude

♒: fight me

♊: i will dont worry

♊: anyway

♊: its an option

♒: ill ask

♒: if hes goin then we go

♒: if not we dont and fef goes

♊: and if not im bringing the party to you two

♒: how do you plan on doin that

♊: :)

♒: you dont even leave the hive on the regs

♊: :)

♒: i aint even gonna go into it

♒: im gonna go make sure my descendant hasnt been adopted by sharks again

♒: later psii

♒: buy those socks

♊: well see

♊: good luck descendant wrangling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me a few weeks ago: i still rather like chatlog fics i wonder why they arent that common.  
> me now: ah yeah. i remember. if i miss another dang /span just assume i will scream.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [In which an old ship has a talk with his descendant](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22701454) by [arual1407](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arual1407/pseuds/arual1407)




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